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These characters, apparently designed by Shigeru Miyamoto, are brilliant at fixing leaks, but aren't the greatest at navigating around the block, if you know what I mean. In reality, these plumbers are devious murderers.
Ahh, Mario Bros., it was a simple design that made millions. Now, you probably have played it once or twice, no? It was the game where Mario and his "brother" Luigi killed innocent Sidesteppers ("Japanese" for Crab) and other various creatures you'd expect in an average sewer system. You see, Mario and Luigi knew what they thought was the truth about plumbing: Kill anything that can be. They went on a killing spree and eventually found the base of Splinter and the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. This was just the start of Mario and his brother's disgust for turtles.
Well, according to statistics we have Freddie fix for us, 89% of gamers do not read the instruction booklet for their games. Since these statistics are the truth, we know that you don't know this story:
Mario and Luigi were having a nice day with Princess Toadstool, but then suddenly the evil king Bowser and his minions, the Koopa Clan, kidnapped the royal servants and engaged a deadly battle with Mario. Peach turned herself in to compromise with King Koopa, but it was for not as the savage turtle king doublecrossed her and kidnapped her and entered the war against the Mushroom Kingdom. There were many causalities and injuries; one such being that General Luigi lost his arm in the battle of World 7-4. Hundreds of lives were lost in these battles, but Mario managed to survive by torturing a koopa troopa in World 1-1 to obtain a near-infinite number of 1-ups.
As time progressed, Bowser thought it'd be an ingenious idea to use magic to transform the citizens of the Mushroom Kingdom into blocks and such. So, Mario would have to think twice before trying to obtain a "power up". After careful thought, Mario believed that those citizens gave their lives for the war effort and began smashing block after block. Many moons passed and Mario found himself in World 8-8. He entered the palace of King Koopa, but became lost in the stupid level design. He only had 47 seconds on the clock left, but he managed to figure out the path to take. He found himself face to face with Bowser, himself. (But this is 8-bit Bowser so he looks really dumb) He quickly runs past him and grabs a display axe. He cuts the rope and Bowser falls in the lava below.
Mario walks into the final room and saves the captured souls. They walk out of the castle and a shadowy, cloaked figure enters the vacant castle. He recovers Bowser and gives him a mechanical makeover. He tells his new servant to rise and Bowser forevermore is at the beck of his new master. With "peace" reigning free throughout the Mushroom Kingdom, a new flag began to fly across the country, the Communist Flag.
The Brothers Edit
A doctor, a military mastermind, and a plumber all put into one, Mario is the older of the two. He enjoys a fair balanced economy, so long as he is the one in the middle, making everything look like it's good, but he's the one and only person above everyone else. Mario is the majority stock holder of Mario Bros. Plumbing as well as a member of the United Nations. During the Great War, Mario went across 32 levels to track down and kill Bowser, the evil king of koopas.
Luigi, the green-hatted wonder, is a military general of some 27 years. He is a master plumber and was born in Brooklyn. Like his brother, he enjoys playing crappy sports titles like tennis and golf, as well as murdering random citizens who look at him the wrong way. Luigi was nicknamed "Comrade" due to his odd yet pure Socialistic ideals
The Truth Edit
The Truth about this pair of "fictional" characters is that the middle of this sentence is false. These two Italian plumbers are entirely real. Mario and Luigi were born in Italy and crossed vast oceans from there by Stork. Then, they were sent to Brooklyn, where they lived for many years. The pair live not in the Mushroom Kingdom (Known as Russia in some countries) but in Brooklyn, New York. Shigi, the "creator" of them, is actually a Japanese man that lives near them; he's their landlord in other words. Nintendo, the company responsible for their fame, is a corporation they developed to re-imagine gaming and entertainment.